Sexual assault survivor shares story

  • Published
  • By Sara Vidoni
  • Team Eglin Public Affairs
EGLIN AIR FORCE BASE, Fla. --  Every April, Airmen are asked to reflect on the significance of Sexual Assault Awareness Month. Nowhere were those reflections more apparent than April 23 when national speaker, Katie Koestner, presented a program based on her experiences with sexual assault.

At age 18, Koestner went on a date with a boy in her freshman class at college. After dinner, she invited him back to her room. They talked, danced and then he started to unbutton her dress. When things became too aggressive, she told him no. Instead, he ignored her pleas and sexually assaulted her. This happened in 1991, before rape and sexual assault were discussed openly; back in a time when "date rape just didn't happen," according to Koestner.

Now, Koestner tours the country to tell her story and encourage others to help end sexual abuse within their community.

"I'm the one who, at 18, decided this shouldn't happen to anyone else," she said. "I came here today to ask for your help. I know you change lives every day and now I'm asking you for more. When you see a guy with a firm grasp on a girl who looks like she is going to fall over, I want you to ask yourselves, 'is he going to hurt her or help her?' If you are not positive he's going to help her, I want you to make sure she gets help."

According to the 2010 Air Force Gallup Poll, one in five women and one in 33 men will be assaulted during their career in the Air Force. Thirty-three percent of those assaults involve substance abuse such as drugs or alcohol. Alcohol is the number one drug of choice used by perpetrators. It is legal, socially acceptable and lowers a person's ability to protect themselves with each drink consumed.

"If anyone male or female chooses to get drunk, it puts you at risk," said Koestner. "We need to be able to confidently say yes or no, without the alcohol or drugs getting in the way."

She reminded Airmen that communication and respect are essential to any healthy relationship.

"If you don't know if something is okay with someone, you have to ask," she said. "You can't assume they are okay with whatever is about to happen."

Koestner also commented on the frequency with which rape has become a part of today's culture. Sexual assault and rape are tossed around in jokes, music and television; all of which validate and perpetuate that this violence is normal. She encouraged all Airmen to be a positive difference in ending the prevalence of the "rape culture" in today's society.

"When someone makes a rape joke, you can choose to be silent, but it's even better if you choose to speak up," she said. "Silence is always the easy way out, speaking is the challenge. I challenge you to speak up against sexual assault. Life is just a moment we get and I hope you will choose to help."

To end, Koestner spoke of her resiliency in moving past her sexual assault. She reminded those who have been abused, to never give up.

"I say every day - if I cave, I let him win," she said. "I can't let that happen. I'm staked in this because I can't let him succeed with the power he took from me. To stay resilient, I try to do one nice thing every day for myself. Everyone goes through tough things and often the difference between success and failure is what you treat yourself with. You can never give up."

Within the Air Force, the Sexual Assault Prevention and Response (SAPR) Program is dedicated to eliminating sexual assault through awareness and prevention training, education, victim advocacy, response, reporting and accountability. The Air Force promotes sensitive care and confidential reporting for victims of sexual assault and accountability for those who commit the crimes.

For more information regarding the SAPR program at Eglin, contact Mrs. Yvonne Viel at 882-2122 or the 24/7 hotline at 240-3219. Information is also available at www.sapr.mil.